Descriptive Writing Part 2
28 Setembro 2015, 08:00 • Hilda Alexandra Prazeres Eusebio
Descriptive Writing Part 2:
Vivid vs. Vague Language
The sensory details you select in your writing should create for your reader the same picture you have in your mind. Instead of using vague, general words, your sensory language should be concrete and sensory-packed. This makes the difference between vivid and and vague language.
Take a look at the comparison between vague and vivid sentences:
Vague
The food was unappetizing.
The sprinkler was refreshing.
The traffic was heavy.
Vivid
The pale turkey slices floated limply in a pool of murky fat.
The cool water from the sprinkler sprayed our hot faces.
Our old car puffed as Main Street became clogged with a line of clamoring motorists.
Vary Sentence Structure
•When using descriptive language, it is important to vary your sentence structure. Try to avoid using the same subject-verb pattern in all sentences. Embedding descriptive elements and combining sentences can help to avoid the routine subject-verb structure.- The hall was empty. She ran towards the classroom. She entered right after the bell rang.
- Racing down an empty hall, she skidded into the classroom, breathless, just as the bell clanged above her.
What to Avoid When Using Sensory Detail
•Too many adjectives—retain only the most powerful words in your writing, deleting any unnecessary words•Too many adverbs—verbs are stronger than adverbs- “She strolled into the room” is more powerful than “She walked casually into the room”.
•Clichéd figures of speech—overused language, such as 'green with envy', signals a lack of imagination. Use fresh, descriptive words that go against rote thinking.
Students went on to analyze extracts from the following descriptive texts:
The Magic Metal Tube by Maxine Hong Kingston;
Inside District School #7, Niagara County, New York by Joyce Carol Oates;
Barbara Willard's The Sprig of Bloom;
Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol;
Tom Wolfe's The Bonfire of the Vanities;
T.S. Eliot's The Love-Song of J. Alfred Prufrock;
Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood.